Adopt Me!

Ever wonder what it would be like if you were adopted by a famous family? I often wonder what it would be like if only to escape the day to day crazy that goes along hand-in-hand with my own family.

Here's my personal wishlist of who I want to be adopted by...

The Simpsons- All that the South has to offer, according to me. The creepy sexual overtones from Poppa Joe directed towards Ashleeeee (I add extra e's to prove the point that she is mocking the sanctity of the name) and Jessica completely creeps America out. So much so that I think it's time that I threw my hat in and gave a report from the frontlines of indecency. I can be present for all father-daughter spats and I'll hastily slip out of the room for their make-up kissfest.


Whitney and Bobby- After the intial search for a wiretap on my person, I'm sure the Houston-Brown clan will be welcoming and even happy to have me there. It'll remind them of the beginning of their relationship when Bobby introduced Whitney to crack. They can teach me all about proper pipe cleansing, which rocks you avoid and which you smoke immediately upon purchase, and how to be a Black Hebrew. I'll have to decline the trip to Israel for baptism...I hear things are a bit dodgy there right now.


The Cruise Clan- How great/creepy would that be? First off, I'd quell all rumors regarding the existence of one Suri Cruise (my money says she was bought on the blackmarket for a pretty penny once Tom realized he couldn't sleep with Katie...cause he's gay). We would stay up all night talking about Scientology, aliens, and L. Ron Hubbard. JOY! Once we were all comfortable with one another, we would have a weekly "family night" where we would play games and talk about our days. Eventually, they will no longer need to pretend they have a daughter named "Suri" when they have a perfectly good one named Ashley.



In future posts I will discuss more famous families that I want to join. Until then, guess I'm gonna have to deal with my less-famous, intriguing family that I have now.