World Cup, Shmorld Cup

Why aren't Americans more excited about the World Cup?

Soccer is the number one sport in the world, for god's sake! And the biggest tournament that only happens once every four years is featured on ESPN2? Not even ESPN?! Ludicrous.

As a former soccer player, I can safely say that its an amazing sport. The game changes every ten seconds, you are always on the edge of your seat, and not to mention that there are some really good looking players from the European clubs that we need to be more aware of. Yes, I know...David Beckham is very hot, but why don't we hear more about Michael Owen?



Now, that is a handsome man. And he is an amazing athlete...double score. Or how about Luca Toni, the Italian star that is expected to wipe the floors clean with the American team this saturday:



My point today is that Americans are seriously underestimating the impact that professional soccer could have on our lives. The players are hot, there are fun chants involved, and it might actually help us not look like imperialistic idiots who want everything done "the USA way" (The World Series of Baseball that doesn't actually include the rest of the world but we continue to insist that its the greatest game ever played) or not at all.

Oh, and I'm also tired of people trying to say that America chooses not to be involved in the worldwide soccer frenzy because its a "dumb" sport. Those people are dumb. I have many arguments against them, but I choose to take the higher, more educated, classy road of ignoring them and giving them the silent treatment. HA! I win, idiots.

Why do you think they call it "dope?"

I was just watching "The Drug Years" on VH1 and I can't decide whether or not its trying to point out the drug-filled excesses of yore or tell us just how much fun doing drugs can be?

I don't condone drug use, although I do think its crazy how coke is now becoming the big "thing" when it was the only "thing" that people in my high school did (Guess that's what I get for going to school with rich kids from manhattan), but this documentary thing is making me second-guess their motives for their "rock docs" series. It's doubtful that someone will watch this and think that drugs are the worst thing ever.

I don't know...maybe I'm nuts. Let me know if you've seen it and/or agree.

That's my new philosophy...

In the words of Oscar Wilde "If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you."

There is my entire life, summed up in 15 words.

"You like my body? Want a car??"

I am shocked, awed, and terrified to report this news to all 4 of my loyal readers: Anna Nicole Smith is preggers.

"Let me stop all the rumors. Yes, I am pregnant. I'm happy, I'm very very happy about it. Everything's goin' really, really good and I'll be checking in and out periodically on the Web and I'll let you see me as I'm growing."

Oh, happy day. If it wasn't enough to bring little Suri Cruise and Shiloh Jolie-Pitt into the world, now we will have the spawn of Ms. Smith. It's my guess that she either got impregnated by her creepy lawyer, Howard Stern, or the obsessive/creepy assistant who claims she is a woman, but who I secretly suspect is a dude.

No matter who the "father" is, this is gonna be great. See you in 9 months, Baby Smith!

PS- I'm starting a list of potential baby names for the little one. Here's what I have so far, based upon the insane ramblings of one Ms. Smith: "Hand me the cheese donut" Smith, "Don't I already have a kid? I don't remember" Smith, and (my personal fave) "Hopelessly Fucked" Smith.