It's about time

I've been saying for years (and by years I mean a few months) that it was time for the world to get to know me: the real, uncut Ashley. The time has come for all of you to be awed and amazed by my "skills." These skills include: a sharp wit, acid tongue, and sarcastic overtones. Some say that my modesty is overwhelming and I thoroughly agree.

The random things that I encounter throughout my daily life have been the fodder of jovial conversations for years between me and my friends. So it's only fair that I share, with the interweb community, the crazy occurrences of my day to day existence.

Lets start off with something simple: I am a smoker. I know, I know. "Boo" and "Hiss" all you will but, I love it. I can't explain the amazing sensation of sucking toxic carcinogens through my lungs (and I won't try) but, the least New Yorkers could do would be to understand that I have an addiction and not stare at me as though I am a leper whose nose is loosely hanging off her face. Stop staring at me and giving me dirty looks for enjoying a cigarette during my lunch hour.

Ever since the smoking ban took place in NYC, I have been one of its biggest fans. Who can honestly say that they enjoyed going to a bar only to come home and smell like an ashtray that was left in the rain for two straight days? I know that if I, a celebrated smoker, thought it was gross then the masses of non-smokers were overjoyed with the fact that it was no longer allowed inside bars and restaurants. But let's get one thing straight: if I'm no longer allowed to smoke indoors, I have to go outside for the forseeable future. Can we agree on that? The amount of times that I have been viciously stared down outside of my office for having a cigarette can't even be counted on both hands. And, not to sound like a bitter New Yorker (shock!) but, I am a conscientious smoker so back off. I take a drag, hold the cigarette behind me, and exhale upwards- not in people's faces. That's just rude...and if I am one thing, it's courteous....sometimes.

So I just ask that people respect the fact that I go outside to enjoy my cancer-stick (and please stop calling them that), and I understand that not everyone enjoys smoke in their face but when it's windy, shit happens. Hell, I hate smoke being blown in my face and I willingly ingest it at least 5-6 times a day. Just stop staring at me like I am the devil. Smoking isn't illegal and if it was, I'd move. Count your blessings. Be greatful that you don't live in Europe, where everyone smokes wherever they want, sometimes ashing onto your plate of food (by accident, of course) and then pretending that it's a part of the "ambience," of the Old Country. It's not ambience, it's gross.

On behalf of us all, I extend the metaphorical olive branch and propose a peaceful co-existence between smokers and non-smokers alike. I understand that I can't smoke inside so please understand that in order to abide by the law, I have to go OUTSIDE. If you happen to be in the same 100 feet, suck it up and keep walking.