This Week In Stupid News...

"Jennifer Garner almost loses expensive ring."

Wow.

Fuhgeddaboutit

Ah, yes. Our favorite family of crime will be returning on April 8th for the last time. I don't know if any of you watched it last season, but let me give you the low down: nothing happened. One can only hope that in the last, epic episodes we will get some action and excitement.



The lack of interesting plot developments last season really irked me. Where's the drama and the excitement of the first few seasons? Honestly, the only redeeming part of the entire season was Carmella. She was ridiculous and Edie Falco should get a million awards for her performance last season. Give her an oscar. DO IT!

Anyway, I look for ward to April 8th. I'll just be patiently waiting in my room until it comes on. That's not sad, is it?

Videos Make Me Smile

You ever watch a video that just warmed your heart? Or something that made you smile for at least ten minutes after watching it? Well, I would like to share something with you that makes me so happy, I can barely stand it.

As some, or most, people know, I am an avid fan of The Office. Both the American and UK version are, according to me, the greatest works of television comedy that I've ever seen. It's a smart and amazingly subtle show. The more times you watch an episode, the more you will uncover as to why it is just that good. And anyone who watches the American version can attest to Michael and Dwight being, undeniably, one of the greatest teams to ever grace TV. So, without further ado, I give you Michael and Dwight...the the romantic stylings of Justin Timberlake.

PS

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I completely forgot that I hadn't posted in a while. That was so 2006 of me. Forgive me, reader?

Buy me an iPhone

This is what I want. If I don't get it sometime soon, expect riots and bottle throwing.

You think that I'm kidding about this? I haven't wanted something this bad, well, ever. Ok, I take that back. I would really love to live in Manhattan and have a thriving career. But since that doesn't seem to be working out too well for me, I'll take this phone in the meantime.

Steve Jobs had me at hello (or would that be iHello? I crack myself up sometimes). And then he continued to have me through the entire explanation of his new toys. I don't really understand it, perse, and I'm not 100% sure that I can use this phone with Verizon, but I'll be damned if I don't get one as soon as they are available.

I dare you to try and stop me, withering bank account. Bring it on, overdue credit card bills. I refuse to be denied this one thing*.



*ten points to whoever can tell me where that line is from. hint: television show.

The Most Overrated Holiday Of The Year

AKA- New Year's Eve!!

It's a night in which everyone in New York City pays an exhorbitant amount of money to go to a bar with 300 other people that they don't know in order to have a great time. Chances are that you won't have a good time and it'll be a gaggle of bridge and tunnel weirdos ruining your night.



I like to consider New Year's "amateur night." People who don't normally go out tend to consider themselves badasses on New Year's, which makes it hard for people who actually want to enjoy themselves when there are idiots running around the city.

Why can't I just go to a party at someones house and hang out with friends? Why is it now the norm for everyone to pay $150 for a ticket to a bar you could get into for free on any other night of the year?

This year, in protest of stupidity, I will be having a frill-free New Year's Eve. I'm going to attend a house party and I will wear jeans. I might even wear a sweatshirt. Take that, slutty-girls from Long Island!

Spring Awakening

Anyone who knows me understands that I have a bit of a thing when it comes to Broadway shows. By "thing," I mean slight obsession. I like to stay current with the new shows and it's always been a dream of mine to be a part of the Broadway community. So I regularly see new and interesting shows.

This past Tuesday, I saw "Spring Awakening," a new musical based on the controversial German play with music by Duncan Sheik. I was skeptical going in, unsure on whether or not Duncan Sheik could be trusted with musical theatre. Just look at what happened to Paul Simon's "The Capeman." Oh, you didn't see that one? That's ok, because I think that me and my father might have been the only ones who did see it.

To say that I enjoyed the show would be an understatement. I only wish that I was a teenager when this came out, as it would have changed my life. The play itself is based upon the 1891 play by Frank Wedekind- it was racy then and its racy now. The story is about teenagers going through life, and mainly puberty, without really understanding what is happening to themselves. When they ask their parents they don't get any answers, leaving them to figure it out on their own.



I haven't felt this strongly about a musical since I saw "Rent" over ten years ago. The story will touch anyone who was 16 and clueless which, basically, was everyone you know at one point or another. And the music? Well, let's just say that Duncan Sheik did not disappoint. I was rocking out in my chair...and I don't usually do such things in public. At least not until I've had a few drinks.

So go see "Spring Awakening" as soon as you can. I can't recommend it enough.

The OC And Why You Should Be Watching It Right Now

Last season on The OC, things ended with a bang. What was the bang, you ask? Well, the worst part of the entire show, Mischa Barton, was killed off in a ridiculously dramatic, overdone sequence that could only be done on The OC. I loved it. But I guess I just lost my faith this summer. Rumors abounded about how the new season was going to be lackluster and I believed them. In fact, I hadn't watched a new episode until this evening.



What always got me about this show was the Chrismukkah episodes. Something about Seth Cohen making up a holiday and enforcing rules on everyone really got me going. Also, I have a not-so-secret crush on Mr. Cohen...sue me. Anyway, Chrismukkah rocks.

So when I realized that tonight was the Chrismukkah episode, I knew I had to tune in. I mean, there are Chrismukkah miracles happening everyday, so who was I to say that the miracle wasn't converting me back to this fabulous show? Needless to say, that WAS the miracle tonight! Hooray!!

Ryan, all broody and angry over Marissa's death, has started hooking up with Taylor- a surprise enjoyment from last season. If that isn't a great pairing, I don't know what is. Oh, wait, Seth and Summer are the best....Sethummer forever.

Ok, so back to my point. I had a point? Right...it's that I actually think The OC might be pretty good this season. The underdog that everyone was counting out seems to fighting back. And it's fighting pretty viciously, if I may say so. So I recommend that you start watching it again. Remember, there's no regrets in The OC. Actually, there probably are regrets, but just watch the show. You'll thank me in May, bitch.

Vice Stevens

Ok, so for the past few months I have been working with/helping out a local NYC band. The bands name is Vice Stevens and they rock out. The thing is, I wouldn't have stuck with them if I didn't believe in their music and what they are trying to do. It's important to get to know new, unsigned, original bands and that's what I'm trying to do with Vice. So allow me to introduce to you, Vice Stevens:

A year after their formation, and fresh off their 2006 tour of Europe, Vice Stevens is taking to the streets in your city, with all the zest and unhinged potential energy of a diesel freight train. Fueled by their unique brand of New York indie-- rocking stylings of pop, punk, reggae and new wave, they have just completed their first wave of singles and are looking to spread this new sound from coast to coast-- from the mountains to the country side.

Vice Stevens is constantly pushing the limits and concepts of musical marketing and promotion utilizing a self-contained design branding and street team approach. Sensing the changing landscape of the music industry, Vice has decided to release their music single-by-single shying away from textbook album generation. This gives bits and morsels of their sound which are echoed through intense and one of a kind live performances.

With influences and inspirations running the gamut from Orange County, CA’s Sublime to The Police, Rancid, Radiohead, TV on the Radio, The Beatles and Red Hot Chili Peppers there is a lot to work from and songwriting seems to rise to these standards. Vice Stevens is Andrew Tepper (vocals), Jon Klekman (bass/vocals), Bennett Kolasinski (guitars, synth, vocals) and Carvel Jones (drums, percussion). They formed in late 2005 releasing their first single in early 2006, to much success and wide circulation on the Internet. “Such a Fool” is a reggae punk influenced anthem which talks about rebellion and love.


Check out their newest singles at www.vicestevens.com

Perez Shmerez

Why is this man cool? Sure, he has a ridiculously popular website, but still...he's an assclown. He's pretty scary to look at and he's a huge ass-kisser. In the words of Sandy, "you're a fake and a phony and I wish I never laid eyes on you!"



Perezhilton.com was cool at one point because he wasn't afraid to talk about celebrities and how crazy they are. And then he started to get semi-famous and all shreds of credibility he might have once had were gone. All of a sudden, he's hanging out with Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan instead of making fun of them as he should be doing. What the frak!?!

His big claim to fame now is that he "outs" any gay celebrities. What a kind soul, no? Who would't love this big ball of nice?

My cause for outrage this evening was really the final straw for me. Tonight I saw him on VH1's Big in '06 awards. He was presenting the award for Biggest Outlaw, which went to Paris Hilton, and he introduced her by calling her his friend. Ok, Perez, we get it. You're "famous" now. You can hang out with Paris because you've stopped talking shit about her on your website. If the night went according to my own plans, Paris would have sucker-punched him in the face as she accepted the award from him. I guess a girl can always keep dreaming.

Gobble

Thanksgiving is upon us. The holiday made specifically for and designed by Americans because it's an excuse for us to eat like the gluttoness masses we really are. Food is what makes or breaks this holiday.

My personal favorite food of the entire holiday is stuffing. It's not very often that my mother makes stuffing...ok, it's really the only day of the year that we get to eat stuffing, but the point is that it's delicious and very bad for you. Maybe that's the reasoning behind the once a year thing.

This year the festivities will be held at my house, which means that there will be about 25 people hanging around and trying to help while only adding to the confusion. Also, with that amount of people and the fact that it's the Irish side of my family, we'll probably have about 20 pounds of mashed potatos, 2 turkeys, limited vegetables, and lots of dessert.

My mother always trys to get ahead of the melee by cooking a day or two beforehand. This year she chose to bake the pumpkin pie on Sunday. Bad move, mom. Obviously the sheer knowledge that there was pie in the house was too much to take for my stepfather and me...so we've already eaten it. Seriously, there's one slice left. Sorry about that!

Needless to say, I'm very excited for Thursday. If only for the fact that I won't feel guilty about eating everything...because I'm not the only one.

I suck at life

Yeah. I want to apologize for the utter lack of involvement as of late.

It's not like I planned this. You know I still have feelings for this blog. It's just...life has gotten really hectic lately. I'm working part-time and doing some freelance work.

And, well, I'm writing for another blog. It's nothing serious! I swear. They offered me money and that's something that I couldn't get here. Don't hate me.

But, if I can, I want to make a commitment again. I can do this. I know it. So let's get right into it and talk about something we both love.

Anna Nicole Smith. Yeah, she's officially gone off the deep end. After her son died, she married her lawyer, and pretended that she wasn't high all the time. First signs of total sanity, right?

Now, the home she's been staying in has officially filed a complaint with its owner because they turned off the electricity on her. This is like trying to get rid of raccoons or bears. You get rid of things that they like, such as garbage or anything edible. Only with Anna Nicole, you turn off the electricity because without power and running water, she'll have nothing to use to swallow all those pills. The crazy train not only stopped off at that house, it took a long time to refuel and cool down before it heads on over to Italy for Tom and Katie's wedding.



Good luck, Anna. You sure as hell need it.

My fan club

As of yet, there isn't one. But if you would like to become a member, you should.

I figure that I'm going to be a big deal at some point, so why not hop on the bandwagon now before it gets really crowded? I feel as though we need t-shirts. My friend Emilie will be the main design person, as she has already come up with a fabulous idea. Picture your typical Che Guevara t-shirt that all the angry kids wear but really don't know who he even is. Now, picture my face on that shirt. Yeah, it's gonna be huge.

I'm hoping to have my own reality tv show in which the cameras follow me and I comment on the daily goings-on of my life. Now, to be fair, not much goes on in my life so it won't be a huge hit. More of a sleeper. I can already picture it. It'll be like the movie "EdTV"but with much less excitement. This already sounds like an instant classic to me.

So get ready for me. It's gonna be huge.

I Knew It!

So it turns out that, within this whole Anna Nicole Smith debacle that has been going on lately, the father of her baby has been revealed. And I think that someone owes me money cause I called this one years ago.

Anna Nicole's creepy lawyer, Howard Stern, is the baby daddy. I win.

Kind of a big deal

I don't know if you know this about me but I'm huge in Japan.

Not really but, I think you get the idea. Check out this website for some more of my inane musings on life and pop culture.

Thanks!

Premiere's galore!

It's finally here: the week that the summer re-runs come to an end and the new episodes return. It's Premiere Week!

The fall season of television is always a great way to figure out if you are going to become a hermit during the cold winter months or if you will be a part of the festive goings-on of the holiday season. I'm going to call it early this year and say: hermitage all the way.

First, there are some great shows coming back this season: The Office, Grey's Anatomy, America's Next Top Model...I could go on. But what really inspires me this year is that the new shows don't seem so terrible. "The Class" on CBS looks promising, mainly because it isn't another form of CSI. NBC is coming back strong this year with "Heroes," "Kidnapped," and "Studio 60" (which is probably my favorite of the whole bunch). Should be a good year.

I'm intrigued by the new CW network and will be interested to see what they have up their sleeves. I won't lie and say that I'm not a sucker for a good teen dramedy (who isnt?!) but, will combining the shows of UPN (a traditionally more...."urban" network) with those of the WB (known for its verbose teenagers who tackle issues from jealousy to vampires) ensure a success? Guess we'll see.

Good luck to all the new shows and I'll see you all in person in May, after season finales.

This Just In: Ashlee Simpson to Horrify Londoners

Is this really necessary?

Ashlee Simpson isn't an actress. Nor is she a spectacularly talented singer. So imagine my surprise when I found out that she would be performing in the London cast of "Chicago." It's a well-known fact that people who are playing in the West End, or Broadway, should have a modicum of talent. Sadly, due to declining sales, the Theatre industry is whoring itself out to the less-famous sisters of actual celebrities. First Haylie Duff is on Broadway and now Ashlee (i HATE that she spells her name that way) in the West End. All I can say is: ick.

An Open Letter to Lindsay Lohan

Dear Lindsay,

Hey! What's up!? Listen, buddy- there have been lots of things going on with you lately and I feel that it is my duty, as your best friend that you have yet to meet, to tell you what the deal is. I'm sure you're too coked up to realize but you are well on your way towards ruining this stellar career you've been building since the age of 5. Don't become another washed up, Tara Reid-esque, Hollywood burnout because I KNOW you have talent left in you...somewhere.

First, lets talk about the fact that you have turned into a 45 year old woman with emphysema. I mean, your voice? It's really getting bad. Stop with the smoking...although who am I to talk, right? (lol, omg!) Also, there have been a lot of gross pics of you lately...pics in which you look like a 6 year old girl (and I'm not talking about your youthful face), so put on some underwear before you step off a boat or out of a car. It's not very lady-like to flash the world with your ladybits.

Quit it with the serial dating of complete douchebags. They won't make you happy like Wilmar did. His talents are now being broadcast to the world through the genius of "YO' Momma," and no one can compete with that. I know it's hard but, take it one day at a time and you can come out on top! Maybe signing on to make "The Parent Trap 2," (perhaps this time a bit more autobiographical like your stellar video for "Confessions of a Broken Heart," in which your father, played by Dennis Quaid once again, becomes angry and abusive and starts to verbally abuse the twins and finally gets thrown into jail for money laundering!) might inspire a turn in the right direction? These are just some ideas to get the ball rolling...don't feel obligated to option that plotline.

Anyway LiLo, you've had a good run so far. I mean, you're 20(ish) and you've already hosted SNL more than once, you've had some stellar movies, and you are constantly the center of everyone's attention. All I'm saying is- take it down a notch. Maybe cool it with the crazy. As your besty, I'm just looking out for you. That's all I've ever really cared about.

Peace and Hugs,
Ash :)

Right Ade

As I was waiting on line at Rite Aid (and yes, as a New Yorker I say "on line," not "in line," so shut up) and something delicious caught my eyes. I don't know about any of you, all 4 loyal readers, but I love Entenmann's treats. They are spectacular and should be celebrated more often. So imagine my surprise when I saw this sign attached the boxes of mini treats:




Yes. That says "ENTEBNANN'S." Now, Entenmann's might be tough to spell out, I'll give you that, Rite Aid but, I will not stand for sheer stupidity. Just look at the boxes you are attaching this super savings sign onto and perhaps you will discover that, ALAS! You have misspelled the name of the distributor of delicious, sweet treats. Also, you spelled "varieties" incorrectly. There is only one "a" in the word and it's at the beginning.

In closing, please be kind enough to utilize spell check OR ask a friend for a quick proofreading session before you tag up the items, incompetent Rite Aid workers.

One can only hope

That this is the beginning of the end